"How is it that we all somehow reach that place? The place where dreams and reality collide, sending a person into a crazy phenomenon of excitement, worry, and straight up fear. Now that that place is edging closer, we all have to somehow face the concept of massive change. Monumental change. Life-revealing change that, if you are not careful, could warp you into someone you do not recognize when you drag your butt to the mirror each morning. How do we defend ourselves against that possibility? We hold on to our dreams and passions... the things that mesh together to form who we truly are, sitting in the cubicle, or at a desk, or on a plane traveling the world. Whether a businessman, a jet setter, a teacher, a missionary, or a cubicle-dweller, we are all bonded by one statement -- life is what you make it. It is only worth living if you chase your dreams, in a career or otherwise. We must hang on, grasp for, embrace the things that make us want to strive and try. These things serve as the blood that pumps out beings back to life. They flow through our veins, providing us with the necessary sigh of contentment during a week from Hades. Change is upon us, coming from all directions. We must ask ourselves -- how can we make life into something that grows who we were born to be? Simple. Do what you love, and love what you do. There is not greater life than this."
This is a journal entry i wrote on January 28, 2009. Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of my future. I am immensely excited about being married and having an amazing, GOD-centered marriage. However, everything else continues to be somewhat of a question mark. While student teaching, I have realized that I do love to teach. In what setting ... I'm not sure. Public school , though an honorable place where teachers prepare students for their future, is not for me. Recently, my fiance and I have been looking at missions possibilities through the International Missions Board. I have been praying for GOD to let us know what it is that He desires for us to do, and where to be. Nigeria has been a key place on our minds and hearts as we seek missions opportunities. I do realize that missions is probably in our future. However, the years leading up to that (date still unknown) are full of uncertainty. I graduate in May, then get married in June, and start a completely new life. Teaching is the most practical choice for a career. But is practical what GOD wants us to do? what He wants us to be? I have constantly been jumping back and forth (since I can remember) between teaching and _____. In that blank could be: missions, counseling, youth ministry, worship leading/music 'stuff'. I go through phases where I say "Okay, GOD. It's all yours. I know You have a plan for my life. I trust you." Then, for some reason, I jump back many steps and start freaking out. We are such selfish beings, and the above quote proves that. Not once did I mention GOD's will or plan. Not once did I discuss the need for prayer, and GOD's power ruling over all. No. It is all about me, and what I love and want to do. I am reading a book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It talks about how to break free from captivity and really trust GOD in all situations. Mid-Winter this weekend showed me that I need to be way less selfish, and let go of what I want in order to reflect Christ. I sure am not reflecting Him now. How can I be a witness to others without fully being a reflection of Christ? Life is what we make it, but how we make it is up to GOD.
