A Brand New Day

I had a long day yesterday, filled with meetings, classes, and making sure my husband's birthday was something special. I think I truly felt pulled in all directions, and completely drained by the end of the day. I have realized something this week so far (even though it's only Tuesday). We need to take advantage of any opportunity to serve and love others. Otherwise, what are we doing? I think yesterday was a day of chores and academic ... stuff. I realized that keeping my husband's birthday at the top of the list for the day helped me get through the day with a smile, because I knew that I would be doing something FOR him. Whenever I would lose sight of that and get focused on my needs and my desires, it would blow up in my face. In the same way, the days that I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and truly do the best that I can to serve Him in all I do are much more rewarding. I have not had a quiet time in a while. I've seen my attitude start to change, and shift in ways that I don't want it to. I am meeting with Shawnetta today to catch up and talk about all that has been going on. Also, she's going to probably bring up the praise band for the church. Broadman is starting a new praise band, and they are interested in me leading the band. I am so excited about this change, but I've got to do some praying about it before I make the decision. Part of me would love to lead and take it to that next level ... that would be awesome! The other part of me , however, is saying that I need to step back so I will not put myself in a situation that causes tension or confrontation. I don't want to get to the point where I am frustrated by the attitude, or something like that. I hope that, whatever my decision, it is decided upon through prayer and thought. I do need music back in my life, and to be able to lead again would be a lot of fun. I'll have to ask some other people what they think before I make this decision. I"m starting to feel the tightness in my schedule with school, work, household items, relationships finances, etc. I know God has his hand in everything, but it can be difficult to balance TIME. That is always the issue with us. You can never gain back time. This is something I learned at the marriage conference we went to this past weekend. It was so good that we had the opportunity to go to that conference. I loved learning more about the concepts behind marriage and the need to consider the needs of your spouse, considering they think much differently that you do. I think this experience will help our marriage more than we now realize. It got us out of "the rut". The conference was a great way to change our perspectives from "me" to "him/her". It's so important that I don't get caught up in what I want. We are a team! God is slowly showing me that I enjoy doing household things, and I enjoy making my husband feel comforted and at home. I take joy in it! And that is okay. I still struggle with the word "submit", but I do have a better understanding of what that term looks like when it is played out in a marriage. I am learning so much, and I just have to keep my eyes fixed on HIM.

ChAnGe ChAnGe ChAnGe...

(Posted on Webquest on July 2, 2010) We are on the brink of an exciting fresh start! Starting on August 2nd, my husband and I will be moving to Ohio. I will be starting graduate school and my husband will be starting a campus ministry through the local church as well as the North American Mission Board (NAMB). A lot of change is about to happen. My feelings? My thoughts? I feel … overwhelmed, excited, scared, nervous, ready for adventure, not-so ready for some aspects. I think this move is huge, and will place us in a new environment around new people with new settings and situations. A lot of “new”s there! This doesn’t have to be seen as something bad though. Honestly, I will embrace the change. I am so ready for something new and exciting, it’s coming out of my ears. I feel bad for my husband because I keep talking about how we can make our new apartment fun and exciting. The whole nesting thing is way more important to me than I ever thought! I first have to get settled, then bring on the change! There have been a lot of things that have required us to play the waiting game. It’s been frustrating, but its almost forced us to put those decisions in God’s hands and say ” ya know, as much as I try, I have no idea how this will turn out. There is no crystal ball, there are no psychics that will tell me exactly what our first week in Ohio will be like, let alone the entire first year!” Yes, we have a plan in mind, but it could be nothing like what I am picturing (very likely). There are many things I will have to sacrifice on this end; a huge part of this decision was our parents’ support. I quickly realized that support doesn’t quite mean approval or agreement. It was very difficult for me to make this decision knowing that my parents were not behind me one hundred percent. Especially little ol’ me, the one who couldn’t even buy her first pack of groceries without thinking “would mom see this as saving money?” That still goes through my head at the grocery store. Once I made the dreaded call to my dad saying this was our decision, they have supported us; let me tell you how great of a feeling that is … its been spectacular! Another thing I will be sacrificing is time with my husband. I was pretty busy as a first year teacher, but I could come home knowing that I could spend the rest of my time with my husband (very reassuring). Now, we shall see what our schedules will be like. The good thing is … we’ll be at the same college. So we could meet up every now and then for lunch, or something to that effect. Another sacrifice is family. Being far from my family is going to be a lot harder than I think I have realized. I’ll probably cry a few nights when my head hits the pillow. And tear up when I first hear my mom or dad’s voice. All a part of growing up … I suppose. What’s weird is that I was always a little sad when I got back to school at Appalachian after being home for a while. And I was crazy homesick at camp. I think my parents assume I will just forget to call all the time and almost isolate myself from them on purpose. I think it will be the opposite. I have really and truly tried my best to take advantage of all the family time I can before the move. It’s awesome that they will be coming to Ohio. I’m so happy they will get to see our place and get to see the town. Maybe they will feel more at ease once that happens. All in all, I’d say we are sacrificing comfort (or what we see as comfort). But I truly believe that God purposely places us outside of our comfort zones so we can fully rely on Him. Only then can all we do reflect His glory. It’s definitely worth the sacrifices.

The Little Shepherd Boy

A lot of changes. It is crazy how quickly those changes can come. Throughout this entire process, Puck and I have been trying our best to seek God's will through His word and through the advice of those we respect most. Now that this future is becoming more clear, it is both so exciting and extremely scary. I have no doubt that God will do some amazing things once we get there. It's all of the hoops that we still have to jump through until we reach that point. Today I read a verse in Matthew that said " Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." This verse has helped me with this whole situation; I am such a worrier! But making this decision, minus a few things, was not a difficult one to make once we finally reached the point of PEACE. God has truly blessed us where we are, and we have not missed that. However, we both are so ready to be fully used to reveal God's glory to those who do not know Him. This was truly revealed to me at the UNLEASH conference in Anderson, SC. Being surrounded by leaders in the ministry who were seeking after God's will and ready to find ways to better their churches really inspired me. Perry Noble also said so many things that truly spoke to me, such as "Listen to God, do what He says." Plain and simple. We make things so hard! The Christian way of life is not about making everything easy. Our lives should be lives that reflect God's glory, not our own. This is where we mess up. We are a self-conceited nation ... world! This past week, I have already lost sight of that. Satan knows what Puck and I have in mind, what God has in mind for us. He knows that we are about to embark on a spiritual war for Christ, and he is gearing up. That is one other thing Perry said ... Satan attacks the leader. This is a very real thing. There are so many parts to this move that I know Puck and I cannot do on our own; but I just have to remember that is why we are doing it. Because God uses the little shepherd boys. Not the noble kings. And he sometimes takes you out of comfortable situations and puts you in situations of desperation. Keeping our eyes on God and our feet on the ground; I don't have it all figured out, but that is what I have learned so far. Who would think that we would be doing this? Just shows you that no matter how much we plan ... you never know what God has in store.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For ...

When you think about it, we as Christians are supposed to strive for that new way of life. Christianity is a belief system in which people desire to be holy, or set apart. Set apart from "the world". While this quoted term is misconceived often, it does come with its own assumptions. So many believers hear the terms "worldly" and "of the world" and start running for the nearest church or youth group. But Christ says that we should stay in the world, but not become of the world. In my mind, this means that our world is tempting, yes. But it also means that our world is filled with unique and interesting people whom we are called to love and accept. That's it. We as believers should have a desire for our world. Not seclude ourselves through Christian Coffee Shops and Stores. This is something that I started thinking about recently when I picked up a book on the spiritual journey of the band U2. Their story is very interesting in that they are all Christians, and if they were in any other part of the western world, their music would not have been nearly as intriguing. This is simply because they would have gotten sucked into the realm of Contemporary Christian Music, a subculture all its own. But since the city of Dublin did not have a Christian subculture, their beliefs and music were seen as rebellious. As a result, their music grew very quickly in popularity. People were very intrigued by the group based in a Catholic environment that held strong Protestant beliefs and values. This got me thinking ... what if we lived our lives as if we were U2 in the city of Dublin? Now, we're looking past the normal band activities, but what if we became radical and rebellious believers? If we strived and fought to live in the "mainstream" world while singing songs about the love and devotion of Christ. What an amazing way to start a new life in Christ! God calls us to "be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). Why are believers (including myself) so terrified by the words "worldly" and "of this world"? It's time to act like we are new creations, and set ourselves apart through our actions. Not through seclusion.

The Runaway Jury

It seems that we all come to a point of realization of just how different and unique we each are. During my time as a juror today, I have gotten to know a woman named Taylor. She has grown up in a very different situation than mine; not better or worse... just different. While I have enjoyed getting to know her, I have realized that while everyone is different in theory, everyone is basically the same. It is easy to relate to practically everyone, and I have quickly learned my love for people and their stories. This is re-instilling my passion for missions, and an effort to make a difference in peoples' lives through the love of Jesus Christ. It amazes me how much of an impact a persons' past affects who they become. Not only their past, but also their home. This is why internationals intrigue me so much.. the different mindset.  This American culture is spoiled, impatient, selfish, and ignorant. It seems the only way that someone could slap themselves out of this pattern is to see the lifestyle of a different group of people. It is always important to step out of your comfort zone and find ways to challenge how you think. Though this is a smaller experience, it has definitely done that for me. Living in Spain ( random example :) ) would be amazing for us in that we could get to know some amazing people and their histories that make up who they are. I'm not sure what GOD has in store for my future husband and me, but I cannot wait to find out!  

Leave and Cleave

As I have been sitting in this jury assembly suite, I have been thinking about the type of person I have become. Being surrounded by new people,  I am very surprised by my ability to be personable and social with each person and treat them the way that I would like to be treated. I also have gotten to experience a real life moment. This day .... these past two hours... have allowed me to think in an adult mindset. These past couple hours have also served as preparation for what is yet to come... adulthood. While this is overwhelming and scary, it is also exciting to enter into a world of independence (leaving and cleaving) to a world with another person. I discussed this topic with my dad on our date night Saturday night. I expressed just how difficult that will be for me, simply because I have been dependent on my parents for twenty-two years now. It is strange and liberating to think that I am not going to be obligated to call my parents for each and every decision I make. Instead, I will have my own new family that will come before all others (besides GOD). I am very grateful for my family, and I cannot wait to extend that family even further. What a blessing! 

Across the Universe

"Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box  they tumble blindly as they make their way across the    universe"

-The Beatles

I went to a Beatles Tribute Night downtown last night on a date with my dad. This song really stuck out to me... both for the music and the lyrics. I think this quote  perfectly illustrates my situation right now. My mind is a constant whirlwind of thoughts and concerns. How is it that I am a wife-to-be? How did I get here? It seems just yesterday I was writing a prince charming list and placing my first name with possible last names. And now here I am... I have found the last name of my dreams! Now etching the name "Kelly Puckett" on my notes and doodles throughout the day, I am overwhelmed by all of the changes that are yet to come. It's the best type of overwhelmed there is, however. It is the type of overwhelmed that creates the best possible circumstances; it is the type that means I will soon be married to a great man, and strive to be a great woman for him. It is the type of overwhelmed that keeps me up at night as I imagine the wedding, our home, our kids, our jobs, our lives. I can't imagine marrying anyone else, and that fact makes my thoughts that make their way across the universe that much more valuable. 

Reflections

"How is it that we all somehow reach that place? The place where dreams and reality collide, sending a person into a crazy phenomenon of excitement, worry, and straight up fear. Now that that place is edging closer, we all have to somehow face the concept of massive change. Monumental change. Life-revealing change that, if you are not careful, could warp you into someone you do not recognize when you drag your butt to the mirror each morning. How do we defend ourselves against that possibility? We hold on to our dreams and passions... the things that mesh together to form who we truly are, sitting in the cubicle, or at a desk, or on a plane traveling the world. Whether a businessman, a jet setter, a teacher, a missionary, or a cubicle-dweller, we are all bonded by one statement -- life is what you make it. It is only worth living if you chase your dreams, in a career or otherwise. We must hang on, grasp for, embrace the things that make us want to strive and try. These things serve as the blood that pumps out beings back to life. They flow through our veins, providing us with the necessary sigh of contentment during a week from Hades. Change is upon us, coming from all directions. We must ask ourselves -- how can we make life into something that grows who we were born to be? Simple. Do what you love, and love what you do. There is not greater life than this."

This is a journal entry i wrote on January 28, 2009. Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of my future. I am immensely excited about being married and having an amazing, GOD-centered marriage. However, everything else continues to be somewhat of a question mark. While student teaching, I have realized that I do love to teach. In what setting ... I'm not sure. Public school , though an honorable place where teachers prepare students for their future, is not for me. Recently, my fiance and I have been looking at missions possibilities through the International Missions Board. I have been praying for GOD to let us know what it is that He desires for us to do, and where to be. Nigeria has been a key place on our minds and hearts as we seek missions opportunities. I do realize that missions is probably in our future. However, the years leading up to that (date still unknown) are full of uncertainty. I graduate in May, then get married in June, and start a completely new life. Teaching is the most practical choice for a career. But is practical what GOD wants us to do? what He wants us to be? I have constantly been jumping back and forth (since I can remember) between teaching and _____. In that blank could be: missions, counseling, youth ministry, worship leading/music 'stuff'. I go through phases where I say "Okay, GOD. It's all yours. I know You have a plan for my life. I trust you." Then, for some reason, I jump back many steps and start freaking out. We are such selfish beings, and the above quote proves that. Not once did I mention GOD's will or plan. Not once did I discuss the need for prayer, and GOD's power ruling over all. No. It is all about me, and what I love and want to do. I am reading a book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It talks about how to break free from captivity and really trust GOD in all situations. Mid-Winter this weekend showed me that I need to be way less selfish, and let go of what I want in order to reflect Christ. I sure am not reflecting Him now. How can I be a witness to others without fully being a reflection of Christ? Life is what we make it, but how we make it is up to GOD.

safety first!

While I was sitting with some old High School friends eating dinner tonight, I realized something. Things that are important at one phase in life seem completely trite and almost ridiculous in the next to come. I have realized this before but seeing old friends' lives unfold before my eyes really instills that thought in my mind. Popularity. Who you know. Being the life of the party. These are all things that wax and wane as life moves on. My friend Jared, for example, has always been the type that is serious aboutthe future, and all about security in finding a job. I knew he would end up married out of college with a safe job and eventually a family. He is the kind of guy that will never change; however, his desire for a job has changed. He's gone from political science to a funding company in the Charlotte area. Soon we realize that once we have found the person we are meant to be with (as Jared has), we sort of toss our dreams and aspirations aside for a while... to be logical and "safe". Applying this to my life is very simple... the desire to sing/write/perform will always be within me, but as time passes, I'm not sure if that dream will come true. I realize that GOD has a plan for my life, and I should not try to take the steps to plan it myself, but I still do not want to retreat from my desires in order to stick to what is "safe" (teaching). The idea of marriage has definitely been spoken about in detail. The realization that I have found 'the one' almost pushes me towards the safe route. In doing this I wonder... am I simply tossing my desire for music aside because I want to be safe? Turns out... that is the same as asking.. am I too afraid to trust in GOD to provide as I do what He wants me to do? I constantly jump back and forth, from the choice of doing what I truly love.. to what I would enjoy.. I know that teaching is a ministry in itself, but is it my calling? This is my constant struggle.

God doesn't call us to something that is safe

He calls us to something that tests us and pushes us

In order to stretch our faith, and fully trust in Him.

The Lord provides.

I have to constantly remind myself of this daily.

hymns are timeless..

I recently bought a Shelly Moore Band CD; by the way, they are amazing! She did a really neat rendition of Jesus Paid It All that sounds like a completely different song. But the words are exactly the same as the original Hymn. In hearing the same powerful words sung in a different tune, I was reminded of the strength of Hymns to this day. Even though the tune and rhythm may change, the words always remain the same. There have been countless artists that have changed the rhythm and/or tune of a hymn. But the importance of the message behind the song, both spirtual and historical, lingers behind. This lead me to the realization that while Shelly Moore is an amazing singer/artist, the words she sings are not hers. They are the Lord's, and will forever be the Lord's. As a singer/artist myself, I tend to lose this train of thought easily. Instead of thinking "what can I write?", I should be thinking "what will you have me write tonight, Lord?" This is a challenge.... just something to think about.

I hear the Savior say

Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
But He washed it white as snow

For nothing good have I
Whereby thy grace to claim
I'll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary's Lamb

And when, before the throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died to save my soul
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
But He washed it white as snow

stand out

"I want to stand out, I want to stand tall

I want to be myself even if it means I won't fit in at all

I wanna be real, I wanna be me

Cuz everything I am is who I'm meant to be

I was meant to be free."

Ginny and Mom just got back from Mars Hill Leadership Camp yesterday. I was talking to my mom earlier and she told me that the JCC (Junior Counselor Coordinator) this year started telling her about how he has met every member of the young family except for my dad. I knew that after that sentence she was going to make some statement comparing the four of us, probably ending in "and Kelly was a lot quieter, but very sweet", or something like that. But the next words that came out of her mouth (or really, his) surprised me. He said "Morgan was great as a JCC, Katie was great and a lot of fun, but I really admire Kelly's walk with Christ." I was really shocked; we were JC's together but had never actually sat down and had a serious conversation or anything like that (that was still my shy, intimidated phase). Then my mind started to wonder about ways in which he would know that, or see that. Maybe he talked about it with my other siblings, maybe he saw it in how I acted. I really have no idea; but I thought that was so cool... that someone I "know", but don't actually know would see that. That just shows that you never know how people see you, who admires you, and why they admire you. I would never had guessed that. This is a great life lession: others' opinions aren't all that matter, but when it comes to living out your spirituality, you are meant to be an example of Christ in all you do and say. This specifically opened my eyes to the realization that even though you have a certain perception of yourself in comparison to others, even family (especially family), others will most likely see you in a completely different light. This is very encouraging to those who don't feel like they 'fit in' with their families, based on personality differences, etc. I know that my GOD made me the way I am and placed me in my family for a reason. And I think this story has given me a bigger hope of seeing that reason. Maybe I'm not the 'fun one' or the 'attention seeker' or the 'life of the party', but people see something else in me that they respect and admire. I'll take that over being the party girl any day. Each day I am growing a little bit stronger in my identity, and tossing my insecurities in being the odd-ball aside. This is a great feeling, and it is reassured through stories that all began at a Leadership Camp five years ago.

take me home...

"[Home] guides us with its wisdom
And takes us by the hand
Pulls us to our feet
And helps us understand
That life is one big lesson
And we must choose to learn
About ourselves and others
And the one we serve. "

Isn't it funny how our pasts have so much to do with where we are going? I've been thinking about where I was a year ago and it is such an eye-opening experience. The episode that I'd like to call "the stupid boy episode" was both an awful and enlightening experience. While I definitely would vote for it never happening, dealing with that kind of hurt made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. Exactly a year ago... I was still fighting the temptation to hang out with a boy that treated me like I was nothing. I was still filled with bitterness, anger, confusion, and... anger. Did I say that already? I was still angry with GOD, angry with myself for believing empty words, angry at the stupid boy, obviously. I was wondering why in the world something like this would happen to me. And now looking back, I realize why. GOD does not deliberately place us in circumstances to cause us pain. Rather, He wants us to constantly learn from our 'episodes'. I know, without a doubt, that GOD was teaching me to turn to Him for security and not some stupid boy. I learned that when you have to force feelings for a boy, it's not meant to be. I learned that I am beautiful in GOD's eyes, and that is all that matters; that one took a while to learn... I think I'm still struggling with the idea of beauty. I also learned that I can tell someone how I truly feel and be strong in who I am and what I have to say. And last but certainly not least, I learned that GOD's timing is completely different from mine; and when you least expect it, He throws something amazing into the mix. I am now happier than I have ever been, with a boy that makes me feel secure, beautiful, intelligent, talented, and important. I don't say this to brag on myself, but to brag about the boy. I have never felt more comfortable than when I am with him. Who would have guessed I would end up here a year later? That I would, after swearing off boys and relationships, meet a boy that makes me smile, no matter where we are, or what time of day it is? GOD works in mysterious ways.. that is for sure. In the end, I would definitely wish for a different type of lesson. But what really matters is... I learned, and grew, and moved on to something that is so much better. Our GOD is a GOD of mystery. I love that.

strength will rise...

It is so weird to think that next May, I will be done at ASU. I don't think anyone is every really ready to move onto the next phase of their lives. Especially not me. I do know that whatever I end up doing after I graduate, it will prepare me for the next phase, and so on. College has really changed my perception of being a 'grownup'. When do we finally reach that point when we actually feel like a grown up? I am 21 years old, and I definitely don't feel like one yet. I have no idea what I'm doing my life; I'm unorganized, confused... a complete mess. I just wonder, do we ever reach that point of contentment in adulthood? Are we ever satisfied with where we are, and what are doing at that point in time? I think the answer is: no. We are always looking either backwards or forwards. Either to the past ("the good ol days"), or the future where we will "have it all together." I am happy with where I am.. I love ASU, and all of the amazing experience I have enjoyed. But have I been content? I don't think so. I think it takes a certain strength to focus on the present, to really take in what is happening as each day unfolds. While this is difficult, it's such a comfort to know that we have a GOD who is faithful, and who is lighting our paths. This light is usually a dim light, that takes effort and focus to follow. But it is there; we just have to look for it, and not be distracted by the things that surround us. I think that is why GOD does not have some tacky bright, blinding light that guides us. Because He wants us to stretch our faith, and to take that leap for Him. He wants to know, just as we do with Him, that we are faithful. He also wants to see that our strength should not only crawl out of us when we are facing an enormous struggle. It should be ever-present, never-failing, unending. A song that really illustrates this is says the following:

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord."

Strength represents itself through patience, humility, servitude... not only in those times when we feel we should be 'strong'. While it is important to have that strength during difficult times, it is most imperative that we carry it within us every day. And it is that strength that will allow us to be content with where we are and with what we've got. I struggle with this daily, thinking that I have my future partially planned out. That is the problem though... it is not 'my plan' that is important here... at all. This is where submission plays a huge role. Submitting to GOD's: plan, power, knowledge, faithfulness. We must take 'our plans' and throw them out the window in order to truly follow the dimly- lit path that is our constant life journey.

first day...

This should be fun :)