The Runaway Jury

It seems that we all come to a point of realization of just how different and unique we each are. During my time as a juror today, I have gotten to know a woman named Taylor. She has grown up in a very different situation than mine; not better or worse... just different. While I have enjoyed getting to know her, I have realized that while everyone is different in theory, everyone is basically the same. It is easy to relate to practically everyone, and I have quickly learned my love for people and their stories. This is re-instilling my passion for missions, and an effort to make a difference in peoples' lives through the love of Jesus Christ. It amazes me how much of an impact a persons' past affects who they become. Not only their past, but also their home. This is why internationals intrigue me so much.. the different mindset.  This American culture is spoiled, impatient, selfish, and ignorant. It seems the only way that someone could slap themselves out of this pattern is to see the lifestyle of a different group of people. It is always important to step out of your comfort zone and find ways to challenge how you think. Though this is a smaller experience, it has definitely done that for me. Living in Spain ( random example :) ) would be amazing for us in that we could get to know some amazing people and their histories that make up who they are. I'm not sure what GOD has in store for my future husband and me, but I cannot wait to find out!  

Leave and Cleave

As I have been sitting in this jury assembly suite, I have been thinking about the type of person I have become. Being surrounded by new people,  I am very surprised by my ability to be personable and social with each person and treat them the way that I would like to be treated. I also have gotten to experience a real life moment. This day .... these past two hours... have allowed me to think in an adult mindset. These past couple hours have also served as preparation for what is yet to come... adulthood. While this is overwhelming and scary, it is also exciting to enter into a world of independence (leaving and cleaving) to a world with another person. I discussed this topic with my dad on our date night Saturday night. I expressed just how difficult that will be for me, simply because I have been dependent on my parents for twenty-two years now. It is strange and liberating to think that I am not going to be obligated to call my parents for each and every decision I make. Instead, I will have my own new family that will come before all others (besides GOD). I am very grateful for my family, and I cannot wait to extend that family even further. What a blessing! 

Across the Universe

"Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box  they tumble blindly as they make their way across the    universe"

-The Beatles

I went to a Beatles Tribute Night downtown last night on a date with my dad. This song really stuck out to me... both for the music and the lyrics. I think this quote  perfectly illustrates my situation right now. My mind is a constant whirlwind of thoughts and concerns. How is it that I am a wife-to-be? How did I get here? It seems just yesterday I was writing a prince charming list and placing my first name with possible last names. And now here I am... I have found the last name of my dreams! Now etching the name "Kelly Puckett" on my notes and doodles throughout the day, I am overwhelmed by all of the changes that are yet to come. It's the best type of overwhelmed there is, however. It is the type of overwhelmed that creates the best possible circumstances; it is the type that means I will soon be married to a great man, and strive to be a great woman for him. It is the type of overwhelmed that keeps me up at night as I imagine the wedding, our home, our kids, our jobs, our lives. I can't imagine marrying anyone else, and that fact makes my thoughts that make their way across the universe that much more valuable. 

Reflections

"How is it that we all somehow reach that place? The place where dreams and reality collide, sending a person into a crazy phenomenon of excitement, worry, and straight up fear. Now that that place is edging closer, we all have to somehow face the concept of massive change. Monumental change. Life-revealing change that, if you are not careful, could warp you into someone you do not recognize when you drag your butt to the mirror each morning. How do we defend ourselves against that possibility? We hold on to our dreams and passions... the things that mesh together to form who we truly are, sitting in the cubicle, or at a desk, or on a plane traveling the world. Whether a businessman, a jet setter, a teacher, a missionary, or a cubicle-dweller, we are all bonded by one statement -- life is what you make it. It is only worth living if you chase your dreams, in a career or otherwise. We must hang on, grasp for, embrace the things that make us want to strive and try. These things serve as the blood that pumps out beings back to life. They flow through our veins, providing us with the necessary sigh of contentment during a week from Hades. Change is upon us, coming from all directions. We must ask ourselves -- how can we make life into something that grows who we were born to be? Simple. Do what you love, and love what you do. There is not greater life than this."

This is a journal entry i wrote on January 28, 2009. Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of my future. I am immensely excited about being married and having an amazing, GOD-centered marriage. However, everything else continues to be somewhat of a question mark. While student teaching, I have realized that I do love to teach. In what setting ... I'm not sure. Public school , though an honorable place where teachers prepare students for their future, is not for me. Recently, my fiance and I have been looking at missions possibilities through the International Missions Board. I have been praying for GOD to let us know what it is that He desires for us to do, and where to be. Nigeria has been a key place on our minds and hearts as we seek missions opportunities. I do realize that missions is probably in our future. However, the years leading up to that (date still unknown) are full of uncertainty. I graduate in May, then get married in June, and start a completely new life. Teaching is the most practical choice for a career. But is practical what GOD wants us to do? what He wants us to be? I have constantly been jumping back and forth (since I can remember) between teaching and _____. In that blank could be: missions, counseling, youth ministry, worship leading/music 'stuff'. I go through phases where I say "Okay, GOD. It's all yours. I know You have a plan for my life. I trust you." Then, for some reason, I jump back many steps and start freaking out. We are such selfish beings, and the above quote proves that. Not once did I mention GOD's will or plan. Not once did I discuss the need for prayer, and GOD's power ruling over all. No. It is all about me, and what I love and want to do. I am reading a book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It talks about how to break free from captivity and really trust GOD in all situations. Mid-Winter this weekend showed me that I need to be way less selfish, and let go of what I want in order to reflect Christ. I sure am not reflecting Him now. How can I be a witness to others without fully being a reflection of Christ? Life is what we make it, but how we make it is up to GOD.

safety first!

While I was sitting with some old High School friends eating dinner tonight, I realized something. Things that are important at one phase in life seem completely trite and almost ridiculous in the next to come. I have realized this before but seeing old friends' lives unfold before my eyes really instills that thought in my mind. Popularity. Who you know. Being the life of the party. These are all things that wax and wane as life moves on. My friend Jared, for example, has always been the type that is serious aboutthe future, and all about security in finding a job. I knew he would end up married out of college with a safe job and eventually a family. He is the kind of guy that will never change; however, his desire for a job has changed. He's gone from political science to a funding company in the Charlotte area. Soon we realize that once we have found the person we are meant to be with (as Jared has), we sort of toss our dreams and aspirations aside for a while... to be logical and "safe". Applying this to my life is very simple... the desire to sing/write/perform will always be within me, but as time passes, I'm not sure if that dream will come true. I realize that GOD has a plan for my life, and I should not try to take the steps to plan it myself, but I still do not want to retreat from my desires in order to stick to what is "safe" (teaching). The idea of marriage has definitely been spoken about in detail. The realization that I have found 'the one' almost pushes me towards the safe route. In doing this I wonder... am I simply tossing my desire for music aside because I want to be safe? Turns out... that is the same as asking.. am I too afraid to trust in GOD to provide as I do what He wants me to do? I constantly jump back and forth, from the choice of doing what I truly love.. to what I would enjoy.. I know that teaching is a ministry in itself, but is it my calling? This is my constant struggle.

God doesn't call us to something that is safe

He calls us to something that tests us and pushes us

In order to stretch our faith, and fully trust in Him.

The Lord provides.

I have to constantly remind myself of this daily.

hymns are timeless..

I recently bought a Shelly Moore Band CD; by the way, they are amazing! She did a really neat rendition of Jesus Paid It All that sounds like a completely different song. But the words are exactly the same as the original Hymn. In hearing the same powerful words sung in a different tune, I was reminded of the strength of Hymns to this day. Even though the tune and rhythm may change, the words always remain the same. There have been countless artists that have changed the rhythm and/or tune of a hymn. But the importance of the message behind the song, both spirtual and historical, lingers behind. This lead me to the realization that while Shelly Moore is an amazing singer/artist, the words she sings are not hers. They are the Lord's, and will forever be the Lord's. As a singer/artist myself, I tend to lose this train of thought easily. Instead of thinking "what can I write?", I should be thinking "what will you have me write tonight, Lord?" This is a challenge.... just something to think about.

I hear the Savior say

Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
But He washed it white as snow

For nothing good have I
Whereby thy grace to claim
I'll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary's Lamb

And when, before the throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died to save my soul
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
But He washed it white as snow

stand out

"I want to stand out, I want to stand tall

I want to be myself even if it means I won't fit in at all

I wanna be real, I wanna be me

Cuz everything I am is who I'm meant to be

I was meant to be free."

Ginny and Mom just got back from Mars Hill Leadership Camp yesterday. I was talking to my mom earlier and she told me that the JCC (Junior Counselor Coordinator) this year started telling her about how he has met every member of the young family except for my dad. I knew that after that sentence she was going to make some statement comparing the four of us, probably ending in "and Kelly was a lot quieter, but very sweet", or something like that. But the next words that came out of her mouth (or really, his) surprised me. He said "Morgan was great as a JCC, Katie was great and a lot of fun, but I really admire Kelly's walk with Christ." I was really shocked; we were JC's together but had never actually sat down and had a serious conversation or anything like that (that was still my shy, intimidated phase). Then my mind started to wonder about ways in which he would know that, or see that. Maybe he talked about it with my other siblings, maybe he saw it in how I acted. I really have no idea; but I thought that was so cool... that someone I "know", but don't actually know would see that. That just shows that you never know how people see you, who admires you, and why they admire you. I would never had guessed that. This is a great life lession: others' opinions aren't all that matter, but when it comes to living out your spirituality, you are meant to be an example of Christ in all you do and say. This specifically opened my eyes to the realization that even though you have a certain perception of yourself in comparison to others, even family (especially family), others will most likely see you in a completely different light. This is very encouraging to those who don't feel like they 'fit in' with their families, based on personality differences, etc. I know that my GOD made me the way I am and placed me in my family for a reason. And I think this story has given me a bigger hope of seeing that reason. Maybe I'm not the 'fun one' or the 'attention seeker' or the 'life of the party', but people see something else in me that they respect and admire. I'll take that over being the party girl any day. Each day I am growing a little bit stronger in my identity, and tossing my insecurities in being the odd-ball aside. This is a great feeling, and it is reassured through stories that all began at a Leadership Camp five years ago.