ChAnGe ChAnGe ChAnGe...

(Posted on Webquest on July 2, 2010) We are on the brink of an exciting fresh start! Starting on August 2nd, my husband and I will be moving to Ohio. I will be starting graduate school and my husband will be starting a campus ministry through the local church as well as the North American Mission Board (NAMB). A lot of change is about to happen. My feelings? My thoughts? I feel … overwhelmed, excited, scared, nervous, ready for adventure, not-so ready for some aspects. I think this move is huge, and will place us in a new environment around new people with new settings and situations. A lot of “new”s there! This doesn’t have to be seen as something bad though. Honestly, I will embrace the change. I am so ready for something new and exciting, it’s coming out of my ears. I feel bad for my husband because I keep talking about how we can make our new apartment fun and exciting. The whole nesting thing is way more important to me than I ever thought! I first have to get settled, then bring on the change! There have been a lot of things that have required us to play the waiting game. It’s been frustrating, but its almost forced us to put those decisions in God’s hands and say ” ya know, as much as I try, I have no idea how this will turn out. There is no crystal ball, there are no psychics that will tell me exactly what our first week in Ohio will be like, let alone the entire first year!” Yes, we have a plan in mind, but it could be nothing like what I am picturing (very likely). There are many things I will have to sacrifice on this end; a huge part of this decision was our parents’ support. I quickly realized that support doesn’t quite mean approval or agreement. It was very difficult for me to make this decision knowing that my parents were not behind me one hundred percent. Especially little ol’ me, the one who couldn’t even buy her first pack of groceries without thinking “would mom see this as saving money?” That still goes through my head at the grocery store. Once I made the dreaded call to my dad saying this was our decision, they have supported us; let me tell you how great of a feeling that is … its been spectacular! Another thing I will be sacrificing is time with my husband. I was pretty busy as a first year teacher, but I could come home knowing that I could spend the rest of my time with my husband (very reassuring). Now, we shall see what our schedules will be like. The good thing is … we’ll be at the same college. So we could meet up every now and then for lunch, or something to that effect. Another sacrifice is family. Being far from my family is going to be a lot harder than I think I have realized. I’ll probably cry a few nights when my head hits the pillow. And tear up when I first hear my mom or dad’s voice. All a part of growing up … I suppose. What’s weird is that I was always a little sad when I got back to school at Appalachian after being home for a while. And I was crazy homesick at camp. I think my parents assume I will just forget to call all the time and almost isolate myself from them on purpose. I think it will be the opposite. I have really and truly tried my best to take advantage of all the family time I can before the move. It’s awesome that they will be coming to Ohio. I’m so happy they will get to see our place and get to see the town. Maybe they will feel more at ease once that happens. All in all, I’d say we are sacrificing comfort (or what we see as comfort). But I truly believe that God purposely places us outside of our comfort zones so we can fully rely on Him. Only then can all we do reflect His glory. It’s definitely worth the sacrifices.

The Little Shepherd Boy

A lot of changes. It is crazy how quickly those changes can come. Throughout this entire process, Puck and I have been trying our best to seek God's will through His word and through the advice of those we respect most. Now that this future is becoming more clear, it is both so exciting and extremely scary. I have no doubt that God will do some amazing things once we get there. It's all of the hoops that we still have to jump through until we reach that point. Today I read a verse in Matthew that said " Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." This verse has helped me with this whole situation; I am such a worrier! But making this decision, minus a few things, was not a difficult one to make once we finally reached the point of PEACE. God has truly blessed us where we are, and we have not missed that. However, we both are so ready to be fully used to reveal God's glory to those who do not know Him. This was truly revealed to me at the UNLEASH conference in Anderson, SC. Being surrounded by leaders in the ministry who were seeking after God's will and ready to find ways to better their churches really inspired me. Perry Noble also said so many things that truly spoke to me, such as "Listen to God, do what He says." Plain and simple. We make things so hard! The Christian way of life is not about making everything easy. Our lives should be lives that reflect God's glory, not our own. This is where we mess up. We are a self-conceited nation ... world! This past week, I have already lost sight of that. Satan knows what Puck and I have in mind, what God has in mind for us. He knows that we are about to embark on a spiritual war for Christ, and he is gearing up. That is one other thing Perry said ... Satan attacks the leader. This is a very real thing. There are so many parts to this move that I know Puck and I cannot do on our own; but I just have to remember that is why we are doing it. Because God uses the little shepherd boys. Not the noble kings. And he sometimes takes you out of comfortable situations and puts you in situations of desperation. Keeping our eyes on God and our feet on the ground; I don't have it all figured out, but that is what I have learned so far. Who would think that we would be doing this? Just shows you that no matter how much we plan ... you never know what God has in store.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For ...

When you think about it, we as Christians are supposed to strive for that new way of life. Christianity is a belief system in which people desire to be holy, or set apart. Set apart from "the world". While this quoted term is misconceived often, it does come with its own assumptions. So many believers hear the terms "worldly" and "of the world" and start running for the nearest church or youth group. But Christ says that we should stay in the world, but not become of the world. In my mind, this means that our world is tempting, yes. But it also means that our world is filled with unique and interesting people whom we are called to love and accept. That's it. We as believers should have a desire for our world. Not seclude ourselves through Christian Coffee Shops and Stores. This is something that I started thinking about recently when I picked up a book on the spiritual journey of the band U2. Their story is very interesting in that they are all Christians, and if they were in any other part of the western world, their music would not have been nearly as intriguing. This is simply because they would have gotten sucked into the realm of Contemporary Christian Music, a subculture all its own. But since the city of Dublin did not have a Christian subculture, their beliefs and music were seen as rebellious. As a result, their music grew very quickly in popularity. People were very intrigued by the group based in a Catholic environment that held strong Protestant beliefs and values. This got me thinking ... what if we lived our lives as if we were U2 in the city of Dublin? Now, we're looking past the normal band activities, but what if we became radical and rebellious believers? If we strived and fought to live in the "mainstream" world while singing songs about the love and devotion of Christ. What an amazing way to start a new life in Christ! God calls us to "be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). Why are believers (including myself) so terrified by the words "worldly" and "of this world"? It's time to act like we are new creations, and set ourselves apart through our actions. Not through seclusion.

The Runaway Jury

It seems that we all come to a point of realization of just how different and unique we each are. During my time as a juror today, I have gotten to know a woman named Taylor. She has grown up in a very different situation than mine; not better or worse... just different. While I have enjoyed getting to know her, I have realized that while everyone is different in theory, everyone is basically the same. It is easy to relate to practically everyone, and I have quickly learned my love for people and their stories. This is re-instilling my passion for missions, and an effort to make a difference in peoples' lives through the love of Jesus Christ. It amazes me how much of an impact a persons' past affects who they become. Not only their past, but also their home. This is why internationals intrigue me so much.. the different mindset.  This American culture is spoiled, impatient, selfish, and ignorant. It seems the only way that someone could slap themselves out of this pattern is to see the lifestyle of a different group of people. It is always important to step out of your comfort zone and find ways to challenge how you think. Though this is a smaller experience, it has definitely done that for me. Living in Spain ( random example :) ) would be amazing for us in that we could get to know some amazing people and their histories that make up who they are. I'm not sure what GOD has in store for my future husband and me, but I cannot wait to find out!  

Leave and Cleave

As I have been sitting in this jury assembly suite, I have been thinking about the type of person I have become. Being surrounded by new people,  I am very surprised by my ability to be personable and social with each person and treat them the way that I would like to be treated. I also have gotten to experience a real life moment. This day .... these past two hours... have allowed me to think in an adult mindset. These past couple hours have also served as preparation for what is yet to come... adulthood. While this is overwhelming and scary, it is also exciting to enter into a world of independence (leaving and cleaving) to a world with another person. I discussed this topic with my dad on our date night Saturday night. I expressed just how difficult that will be for me, simply because I have been dependent on my parents for twenty-two years now. It is strange and liberating to think that I am not going to be obligated to call my parents for each and every decision I make. Instead, I will have my own new family that will come before all others (besides GOD). I am very grateful for my family, and I cannot wait to extend that family even further. What a blessing! 

Across the Universe

"Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box  they tumble blindly as they make their way across the    universe"

-The Beatles

I went to a Beatles Tribute Night downtown last night on a date with my dad. This song really stuck out to me... both for the music and the lyrics. I think this quote  perfectly illustrates my situation right now. My mind is a constant whirlwind of thoughts and concerns. How is it that I am a wife-to-be? How did I get here? It seems just yesterday I was writing a prince charming list and placing my first name with possible last names. And now here I am... I have found the last name of my dreams! Now etching the name "Kelly Puckett" on my notes and doodles throughout the day, I am overwhelmed by all of the changes that are yet to come. It's the best type of overwhelmed there is, however. It is the type of overwhelmed that creates the best possible circumstances; it is the type that means I will soon be married to a great man, and strive to be a great woman for him. It is the type of overwhelmed that keeps me up at night as I imagine the wedding, our home, our kids, our jobs, our lives. I can't imagine marrying anyone else, and that fact makes my thoughts that make their way across the universe that much more valuable. 

Reflections

"How is it that we all somehow reach that place? The place where dreams and reality collide, sending a person into a crazy phenomenon of excitement, worry, and straight up fear. Now that that place is edging closer, we all have to somehow face the concept of massive change. Monumental change. Life-revealing change that, if you are not careful, could warp you into someone you do not recognize when you drag your butt to the mirror each morning. How do we defend ourselves against that possibility? We hold on to our dreams and passions... the things that mesh together to form who we truly are, sitting in the cubicle, or at a desk, or on a plane traveling the world. Whether a businessman, a jet setter, a teacher, a missionary, or a cubicle-dweller, we are all bonded by one statement -- life is what you make it. It is only worth living if you chase your dreams, in a career or otherwise. We must hang on, grasp for, embrace the things that make us want to strive and try. These things serve as the blood that pumps out beings back to life. They flow through our veins, providing us with the necessary sigh of contentment during a week from Hades. Change is upon us, coming from all directions. We must ask ourselves -- how can we make life into something that grows who we were born to be? Simple. Do what you love, and love what you do. There is not greater life than this."

This is a journal entry i wrote on January 28, 2009. Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of my future. I am immensely excited about being married and having an amazing, GOD-centered marriage. However, everything else continues to be somewhat of a question mark. While student teaching, I have realized that I do love to teach. In what setting ... I'm not sure. Public school , though an honorable place where teachers prepare students for their future, is not for me. Recently, my fiance and I have been looking at missions possibilities through the International Missions Board. I have been praying for GOD to let us know what it is that He desires for us to do, and where to be. Nigeria has been a key place on our minds and hearts as we seek missions opportunities. I do realize that missions is probably in our future. However, the years leading up to that (date still unknown) are full of uncertainty. I graduate in May, then get married in June, and start a completely new life. Teaching is the most practical choice for a career. But is practical what GOD wants us to do? what He wants us to be? I have constantly been jumping back and forth (since I can remember) between teaching and _____. In that blank could be: missions, counseling, youth ministry, worship leading/music 'stuff'. I go through phases where I say "Okay, GOD. It's all yours. I know You have a plan for my life. I trust you." Then, for some reason, I jump back many steps and start freaking out. We are such selfish beings, and the above quote proves that. Not once did I mention GOD's will or plan. Not once did I discuss the need for prayer, and GOD's power ruling over all. No. It is all about me, and what I love and want to do. I am reading a book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It talks about how to break free from captivity and really trust GOD in all situations. Mid-Winter this weekend showed me that I need to be way less selfish, and let go of what I want in order to reflect Christ. I sure am not reflecting Him now. How can I be a witness to others without fully being a reflection of Christ? Life is what we make it, but how we make it is up to GOD.